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How to make the holidays easier after a divorce

Divorced and separated parents in New Jersey and throughout the country may face extra amounts of stress this holiday season. This is because they need to figure out how to create a schedule that allows each parent to see the kids in an equitable manner. Even those who have been divorced for many months or years may struggle to come up with an ideal schedule.

Typically, a divorce or separation will change the way that a parent celebrates the holidays with his or her children. However, the best way to celebrate the holidays is the way that benefits the children the most. Ideally, this will be done in an objective manner without regard for any feelings a parent has about the situation. Parents are encouraged to talk with a therapist or trusted friend about any issues that they have as to not put the child in an awkward situation.

5 things to do when asking your spouse for a divorce

The more you think about divorce, the easier it becomes to wrap your head around the idea of going down this path. It's not something to take lightly, but once you're positive that it's the right decision, it's time to take action.

The first step in getting a divorce is discussing your feelings with your spouse. For many people, this is more difficult than the actual process itself.

A post-divorce 'nesting" living arrangement can work

It is often said that the decision to divorce is one of the most difficult ones live can bring. For many, the decision is obviously the right one, but the problems come with trying to figure out how to do it with the minimum amount of harm caused to all those concerned. This is especially true when there are children in the marriage. Some New Jersey families are trying a novel approach that may have some benefits.

An immediate issue that requires the couples' attention is the new living arrangement. It may be stressful for the kids and economically burdensome for the parents if two separate households are established right away. Some family and relationship experts now suggest an approach called "nesting" whereby the parents, although divorced, both remain living with the kids in the family home for a temporary period of time. It is designed to give the family a little breathing room at first, but extending the arrangement indefinitely can cause problems.

Common financial mistakes that could make divorce costly

Ending a marriage in New Jersey can be costly in terms of the emotional impact and the time that's involved in making life adjustments. However, divorce can also be literally more costly than anticipated if significant financial mistakes are made. While every situation is unique, there are some common financial oversights that tend to occur more frequently than others.

Retail therapy during the divorce process, for example, may be a good thing if it involves minor indulgences. However, major investments like a new car or home can present some problems since the resulting bills will no longer be shared jointly.

Working together for successful joint custody

When New Jersey parents decide to divorce, they usually both want to stay in their kids' lives. Furthermore, many parents work outside the home and lead active social lives. These are some of the reasons why joint child custody is increasingly common when parents decide to separate. While joint custody can benefit children in many ways, there are also some tensions and difficulties that can arise. When exes keep some key principles in mind, they can help to make shared custody a more successful endeavor.

Unsurprisingly, joint custody works best when both parents cooperate with one another and manage their emotional interactions respectfully. Parents have a responsibility not to speak poorly about their former partners in front of the children. Kids may feel like they are torn between their parents, and they may feel pressure to inappropriately choose sides in their parents' relationship issues.

How a job can end a marriage

New Jersey residents may know that their jobs can have an impact on their relationships. Spending long nights on a stressful project could take a toll on even the strongest of marriages. However, who a person works with may play a role in determining whether a his or her marriage succeeds or fails. Data from a study done in Denmark found that men who worked mostly with women had an increased chance of getting divorced.

They were 15 percent more likely to end their marriage when working with mostly women compared to working with mostly men. If a woman worked with mostly men, she was 10 percent more likely to get a divorce. In addition to gender, a person's education level and age were factors in whether a person's job would be more likely to cause a divorce. Generally speaking, older workers were more likely than younger workers to end their marriages.

Fighting a DWI charge in New Jersey

Too often those charged with driving while intoxicated choose not to even attempt to fight these charges in court. While it may be daunting or intimidating to consider doing so, the penalties for DWI in New Jersey should be enough to make those charged with driving under the influence consider the option of fighting a potentially invalid charge.

Many drivers assume that the evidence against them is insurmountable. On the contrary, a skilled criminal defense attorney knows how to challenge each aspect of a DWI charge to ensure proper disposal of the case.

Older adults more likely to divorce but may face health issues

People in New Jersey who are 50 and older might be more likely to get a divorce compared to earlier generations because of a change in expectations about marriage, longer life spans or a greater likelihood that the marriage is not a first one. Research says divorce is up in this age group, and while many people may go on to more fulfilling lives after their marriages end, it is also important for older people to be mindful of their health.

Even divorces that are ultimately the right decision can cause stress that may worsen chronic health conditions more common in this age group such as heart disease or high blood pressure. People with more serious health conditions, such as Parkinson's disease, may have relied on their spouse as the main caregiver. Since women may have made less money throughout their lives, they are more likely to run into financial problems than men after a divorce and may struggle to afford medicine and other necessities. Men may lose social ties that their wives primarily maintained.

Hopelessness a strong predictor of divorce

There are a number of reasons that New Jersey couples may decide to divorce, but therapists have identified one key sign that a marriage may be on the rocks. When one or both partners feel hopeless about the future of the relationship, it can be a strong indicator of the likelihood of divorce. People in strong relationships may feel more positive not only about their partnerships but about other aspects of their life. In fact, the relationship can be a shelter during stressful periods at work or with other family relationships.

One therapist said that when she assesses a couple's likelihood of divorce, she looks for hopelessness about the future of the relationship as a main indicator. People who feel hopeless are often committed to ending the relationship and beginning to come to terms with the fact that it is over. This backs up the findings of a study which found that disappointment and disillusionment in the marriage were most likely to predict a future split. Couples who reported hopeless feelings when the study began were likely to divorce within three years.

Study finds divorce can be contagious for some couples

A study has found that couples in New Jersey and elsewhere are more likely to divorce if they have a personal friend who has divorced. The study was conducted by researchers Brown University, Harvard University and the University of California, San Diego.

Researchers found that married people are 75 percent more at risk for divorce if they have friends who have split up. The study also found that couples are 33 percent more likely to divorce if they know a friend of a friend who has ended up in divorce court. Experts say the reason for this phenomenon is that seeing other couples end their marriage makes divorce seem permissible. Another couple's divorce also helps people learn what's involved in the process and helps them figure out how to prepare.

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